How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
