i think i have herpe
just one?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You ruined the universe
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
