So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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