We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
