I'm lost and stupid without you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
