My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ttyl tear gas
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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