Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
