I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize