I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
