Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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