Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
