He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
