i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
