remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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