I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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