If that was your dad, he is hot
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
