I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
