just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
