oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
