non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
