too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
