Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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