I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
