Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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