my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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