i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
