my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
