Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sober January is a disaster.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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