this beer tastes like vomit already
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The air was thick with penises
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
