we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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