So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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