I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
