I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
how do you play pong handcuffed?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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