Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
