Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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