and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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