Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.

Fav 18 990 3343
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

Fav 7 1121 5056
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(314): View more from Missouri

I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

Fav 44 7387 1604
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(214): View more from Texas

i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.

Fav 11 2846 875
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.

Fav 4 1289 808
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.

Fav 6 1136 570
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins

Fav 2 1031 643
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(941): View more from Florida

What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.

Fav 3 430 516
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(606): View more from Kentucky

JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.

Fav 0 178 101
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