Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
