Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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