Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
