We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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