I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
