dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
