Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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