I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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