I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
