the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
