i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
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i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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