batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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