i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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