the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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