I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
