Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.