??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
