can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
