We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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