So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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