omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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