Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I supernannyed him into submission
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
