I think my vagina is haunted
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
