Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
