eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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