My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You made out with two different species that night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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