I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
