No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
