He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
