Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
