thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
