last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
