I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
