And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
