Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
