Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
