you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
